Loving Your Step-Children

Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It is not enough for parents, step parents and extended family to feel a deep glow of love for the children in your circle of influence. You must convey that feeling into a message that is heard, felt and integrated by the child. Children need to be told both verbally and non-verbally how much they are valued for just being them.

As I interviewed children for my latest book Raise a Confident Child, I was struck by how many children thought their parent’s love was tied to their performance, character or behavior. As Jeremy told me “When ever I score at soccer, my dad really loves me.”

As I teach in parenting classes across the country, many people ask me what they can do to have stronger families and more harmony at home. My answer is in the non-verbal clues we give our children. Verbal communication is the language of information and much of that is spent in lecturing, teaching and correcting our children. No wonder they tune most of it out. Studies have shown we remember only 10–20% of what we hear.

Non-verbal communication is the language of relationships and is remembered and believed 80-90% of the time. So even if you do tell your children you love them, do you show them how precious they are to you? Do your actions demonstrate that your love and acceptance is not conditional upon their school grades, soccer goals or manners at the table?

Below are 8 simple (note I did not say easy, because any positive change in behavior is hard, but the end result is well worth the effort) ways to express your love and appreciation to and for your child.

1. Play games together. From the earliest months of your baby’s life, it came natural to play peek-a-boo when changing a diaper, or airplane when trying to get food into your toddler’s mouth. As children get less dependent on us, we forget to play silly games to hold their attention. Bring out the board games and turn off the TV, or play tag in the backyard. Do not allow competition or winning become more important than just being together.

2. Read with or to them at least 20 minutes daily. Children, even a few months old are comforted and soothed by the sound and rhythm of your voice as you read to them. The most important sounds a child can hear come from his parents and care-givers. When you read to children, you share such an important message for them, that you value reading and learning. Snuggling up and reading every day before bedtime or while dinner is cooking should continue, even after the children can read by themselves. We found the best way to curtail arguments while the after-dinner chores were being done, was to read aloud. Good stories provide problem solving experiences and allow children to look at events in their own lives from a different perspective. Turn off the TV and turn on the imagination as you read together.

3. Start and end each day on a positive note. Remember to use body language to indicate approval. A hug, high five, pat on the back or smile says so much without saying anything verbal .It has been said that eyes are the windows of our souls. If that is indeed true, and I think it is, make sure your eyes always say “hello, I’m glad to see you and I am glad you are in my life.” Recognize when your child is helpful and cooperative. Many times we take it for granted when our children do their chores without being reminded, are pleasant to the family and write down messages. However, we only react, sometimes loudly and with negative body language, when the message wasn’t given, the chore wasn’t done quickly enough or the attitude is less than approachable.

4. Try complimenting them at least once a day. Think of it like a daily vitamin, they may not need the supplementation today, but then again they might. Don’t let a day go by without letting them know how much they are appreciated and loved. A wonderful ritual a blended family we know does is recite to children individually each night a list of all the people in their lives that love them. They end with saying, “You are such a blessed and lucky person, look how many people love and care about you.”

5. Truly listen to them. One of the most effective ways to show a child you love him or her is to pay attention when they are talking. Be empathic while accepting your child’s feelings and try to maintain eye contact while they are sharing with you. Children are often deeply upset over things that seem pretty trivial to adults. When we brush off or trivialize their concerns it feels like a rejection of him personally.

6. Have family meetings. It is good to remember a family is an organization. In fact, it is the basic organization of society. This is just one of the reasons I am such a proponent of family meetings. You wouldn’t think of running a successful business without a plan, goal setting meetings, team building sessions and clear missions and expectations. For more information on how to set up family meetings see http://www.ArtichokePress.com .

7. Develop love touches and signals. The safest touch your new baby has is you. Let him feel your cheek against his sweet little head; rub his legs and arms when you change his diaper. As children grow older, surround them with love in the form of hugs, kisses, holding hands when taking a walk or even winking at them when they look at you. Develop love signals for children as they begin to draw away from displays of affection in public. Perhaps your family gives high fives, touches thumbs, or squeezes each other’s hands quickly to show you are all on the same team.

8. Keep a list of reasons you admire them. Sometimes the very things that irritate us the most with children are the strengths they will need to succeed in life. We have to recognize that a stubborn child will turn into a tenacious adult, eventually.

9. Separate the deed from the doer. Remember it is the behavior that we find unacceptable not the child. There is a big difference between the two and when we are angry, we tend to lump them together. Just because John takes money from the dresser does not make him a thief. It makes him a boy who made a bad decision and needs to learn that it is not acceptable to take money or anything else from anyone without permission.

10. Don’t make it or take it personal. All families have squabbles and all children say they wish their parents and caregivers were more lenient, generous or understanding. We all try to do the best we can with what we have been given, but we are the adults and must make sure that no matter what the children have given or called us, that we give them guidance, love, discipline and respect. It is our obligation to set consistent boundaries and to assist them in growing into self-directed, contributing members of society.

So often we do what is called unconscious parenting, just getting through the day. It is not that we don’t love our family; it is just that the love sometimes gets lost in the translation through poor communications or unskillful methods. I would like to challenge you to be more conscious in the words and actions that affect the children in your circle of influence. Hopefully, you will find some techniques here that will assist you in your efforts.

You do the most important work in the world.

“I was a step-parent at the young age of 24 and would have appreciated the information contained within this article in relation to my role in my step-children’s lives. Thank you.”

-Mary M. Arthur

© Judy H. Wright

Why is Forgiveness So Important?

“Because you’re 6 years old,” says Jessica, age 6.

Whether 6 or 60, everyone needs forgiveness.

“I don’t know what that is, but my mom and dad does,” says Trey, 6.

I’m glad for your mom and dad, Trey, but I hope by the end of this column, you’ll know, too.

“Forgiveness is important because everyone makes mistakes like your friends,” says Erike, 10. “If you didn’t forgive them, you wouldn’t have any friends.” Also, adds Adriane, 10, “If there was no forgiveness, the whole world would be mad.”

Adriane, I’m not sure whether you mean “mad” as in angry or “mad” as in cuckoo, but either would fit. Holding onto a grudge will drive you bonkers.

“If you hit someone, you have to say ‘excuse me,’” says Brandon, 6. “If you hit someone in the stomach, you have to say ‘sorry.’”

I’m not sure if Brandon intends to create a special category with its own responses for blows to the stomach, but in either case, “excuse me” and “sorry” are essential to the language of forgiveness.

“Forgiveness solves the whole problem, and you don’t get into a fight,” concludes Carson, 6. If you forgive, “you can keep friends and families,” says Justin, 10. “You can be happy, not grumpy.”

And who wants to be around someone who’s Grumpy? Unless it’s required because you’re playing a part in “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” you’ll do yourself and those around you a great favor by maintaining a cheerful, forgiving attitude that forgets all past hurts and wrongs. You always lose by keeping score and trying to get even.

A man once said that whenever his wife gets mad, she gets historical. An elephant’s memory for past wrongs, however, is not limited to one gender. Men do it, too.

The key to forgiving others is receiving forgiveness, says Mary, 11: “If Jesus had not forgiven us, we would not have the opportunity of eternal life. Jesus showed us forgiveness by dying and suffering on the cross. What can you do to show forgiveness?”

Mary, this is the question Christians should ask every day. Because our sins have been forgiven, we should be looking for ways to show forgiveness and grace to others. Jesus said he didn’t come into the world to condemn the world, and neither should we.

Probably the most despised group of people in Jesus’ day was the tax collectors. They were considered cheats and traitors to Israel. Religious people were shocked when Jesus dined with them.

Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick need one, said Jesus to these critics. One of the “sick,” Matthew the tax collector, became well by receiving Jesus’ forgiveness. He then left a life of greed to follow Jesus as one of his 12 apostles.

“Forgiveness is important because if you don’t get forgiveness, you will be without love,” says Karoline, 9. “Forgiveness is love,” concludes J.G., 8.

We must forgive “so we can become like God,” says Casey, 8.

Yes, be like God and forgive, or you’ll set yourself up as a god and crush people by judging and condemning them. You’ll also doom yourself to a life of solitary confinement because no one will want to come near you.

Let God be God by receiving his forgiveness and becoming a channel of forgiveness.

We’ll let Marcy, 6, give us the bottom line: “Forgiveness pleases God, and I like to please God.”

Point to ponder: Jesus gave his life for our forgiveness.

Scripture to remember: “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).

Question to consider: If we’ve received the Lord’s forgiveness to enter heaven, shouldn’t we forgive offenses against us on Earth?

Parenting Tips – Remember to Praise Your Children

Being a parent is a difficult job and it’s one that most of us carry while holding down other responsibilities as well. This is why it is important to take time aside now and then and be sure you’re being the type of parent you really want to be.

Do you remember to give your children praise on a regular basis? It doesn’t matter how old your child is, they still need to get approval from their parents on a regular basis. You need to be sure you find something to praise your child for each and every day.

Because it is our job to correct our children when they make mistakes and to teach them the right ways to go about things in life, it makes it very easy to cross the line into nagging. When you harp on your child all the time and forget to give them praise and show your appreciation for the things they do, it can start to play on the child’s self esteem.

It’s important that you thank your child for good behavior and that you reward them for doing well in school, following the rules and helping around the house. A simple word of praise from a parent can mean a great deal to a child. They need to know that you recognize their efforts and that you appreciate them and the things that they do.

Don’t allow yourself to get so wrapped up in the teaching process that you forget to spend time celebrating the great things your children do. It’s a harsh world out there and children need the comfort that comes from a loving parent at home. One way in which you can provide this is by remembering to praise them for a job well done.

John Deere Riding Toys Can Help Your Child Develop the Balance and Coordination He Needs to Grow

When parents are looking for fun and educational toys to help their children develop and grow, riding toys are some of the best investments they can make. With all of the makes and models on the market today, some parents may wonder which ones could provide the best tools to help their children learn. The following article will provide you with some suggestions for choosing the right fit for your child.

John Deere riding toys are a very popular brand that has been trusted in many homes for years. Made to be durable and enduring just like their grown up counterparts, these toys bring joy to children ages 2 and up.

For your tiny tots, the ability to learn hand to eye coordination, balance and the need to try things out on their own are a few of the main developmental stages they will go through. Investing in a John Deere Tractor Rocker will allow them to have fun and prepare for the next stage of movement. You can watch as they learn to rock themselves back and forth when they understand just how it all works.

When your child reaches the age of 2 to 4, they are going to want to start hauling things around the backyard, building things with the tools and items they find lying around, and using their imagination in so many ways. The Peg Perego John Deere Farm Tractor and Trailer will help your child learn to maneuver with a chain driven pedal mechanism. This will prepare them for the harder task of pedaling a bike. Imagine the fun your child will have as he can ride over any terrain, help load up his trailer with leaves or mulch to help you garden, and see his smile beam as he helps out around the house, just like a big boy.

As he grows older and his balance improves, you can upgrade to the big boy bike. And not only are John Deere riding toys available for little boys but they also come in a variety of colors and sizes for the little girl in your life. These sturdy bikes come complete with training wheels that can be removed once your little one has mastered the art of balance and speed all on his own.

John Deere riding toys are not only great for development and imagination, they are a ton of fun that will help your little one build lasting memories for years to come. When looking for a toy you can trust with the safety of your little one, go with a name that has been reliable for many years. Both affordable and enduring, these are just the type of riding toy your child will love.

Who’s Looking After Them?

Who will look after them?

For many parents in today’s economic climate, returning to work after having a child is an expected necessity. However you feel about it, it is essential the transition is as smooth as possible. There is nothing worse than spending your weeks at work worried sick about how your child is, and who is looking after them.

For some mothers, you may be the primary provider, and have chosen to return to your career with your partner at home to care for the child. This may feel like the easiest solution. You will (hopefully) feel more confident knowing your child is in the hands of the other parent, who is intimately acquainted with your child, and knows their routines. When I briefly returned to work outside the home after the birth of my first child, this was the method we chose. It did not mean the transition was completely smooth, but I did feel good knowing my child was being cared for by one parent. I totally underestimated the levels of jealousy I felt in his growing bond with my child, which had to be addressed fairly early on in the arrangement.

For many parents however the option of the father house husbanding is not possible. In this case, it is essential good alternative care is found. Whether you are looking for part time or full time care the issues remain the same- your child needs to feel safe, secure and loved.

Choosing good childcare is one of the most important things to organise if you return to work after having your child. Try to wait as long as possible before returning to work, so that you have had time to get to know your new baby. If you are breastfeeding, this will also help this to become well established.

While many parents feel they should return to work as soon as possible, if you are working in a physically demanding job, you need to give yourself a good length of time for your body to adjust to the increased broken nights sleep, the physical toll on your body, and the emotional drain. Even people working in extremely challenging positions are often surprised at how hard parenting can feel compared to their old job!

After the birth of your baby is the best time to work out the best form of childcare for your child. You may have already started this process before you had your child, however your feelings may change once the baby is in your arms

The first question you need to answer is what type of care will you choose? Can you use a family member or close friend? What about a nanny? You may prefer to select a child care facility close to your work so you can see your child during lunch breaks. If you are returning to a shift work situation, most childcare facilities may not be an option

Ask friends and family to give their advice on what has worked for them. Good childcare is often found by word of mouth – and there can be waiting lists for the most popular places. You may need to place your baby on waiting lists as soon as you know you are pregnant.

The key to finding good care is to try and find someone with similar views on parenting. A family friend with small children can often be a good solution- you can help them financially, and they are someone you know and trust. Make sure you lay down important ground rules about hitting, routines, and care with whomever you end up using.

Answering the following questions may help you decide on the best form of care. The solution is different for everyone, depending on personal circumstances.

Think about these concerns:

1. How much work will you be doing? Are you going back full time or part time?

2. Will you be working conventional hours or mainly shifts? If you will be working nights, family or a nanny will be your best options.

3. How much can you afford to spend on childcare?

4. How will you get your child there every morning- is it close to work or home?

5. If you choose homebased care, what happens if the carer gets sick? Will you have to take time off work on these days, or do you have a back up plan?

6. What best suits your child’s needs? If they are a baby, will they get one to one care with plenty of cuddles, or will they be left in a cot for much of the day?

7. How do you feel about your plans? What do you want to do? Many mothers find their feeling on childcare.

When looking at childcare, it is good to look at different places before deciding on a permanent place for your child. If the person cares for other children – do they look contented and cared for? Do they provide interesting programmes for the children? From what age can the child be left with the caregiver? Some accept from six weeks and others not until much later.

Ask the caregiver about the type of training they have had. Do they have training in first aid in case of accidents? What do they think is important about looking after children? Look at how the other children relate to the caregivers. If the place has a happy and loving feel to it your child will benefit.

Spend some time settling your child into the place before you go back to work. If you know your baby is happy and settled, your return to work will be much easier- you may be surprised how hard the separation feels for you.

Kota Ride on Dinosaur – Kids Will Just Love This Triceratops

Kids have held a long-term fascination with all things dinosaur, with movies, toys, and games accommodating this market. Once kids discover the magic of this creature, they will recreate entire fantasies that revolve around the pre-historic era. This has given rise to a great new concept in toys that combines all the elements of play into one fantastic ride.

Kota, the Triceratops, is a life size toy that children can ride. This lovable dinosaur stands at 40″ tall, which makes him large enough for most kids. He has lifelike skin and features, and with his believable looks, your kids will believe he is. What a neat way to surprise your kids. Can you imagine the looks on their faces when they see a DINOSAUR in their room?

For riding adventures, Kota has a spring-loaded seat. There is a handle discretely hidden behind his head so your children will be safe while riding. This dinosaur actually moves and gives the impression of being alive. Your children can get on his back and disappear into imagination. The kids are going to love it!

In addition to all of his physical features, this dinosaur has sensors throughout, which allow him to react to your child’s touch and movements. He will make dinosaur noises when his head get patted or stroked, and he plays jungle sounds from the speaker system. He has adventure tunes with the push of a button, and he roars back a dino-answer when asked a question. He fast becomes more than an inanimate object; he becomes part of the family.

Kota dinosaur doesn’t stop here. He will also eat leaves when prompted. The leaves are included with your purchase, and your kids will be thrilled with the realistic moving mouth. So, a pet that eats, sleeps, gives your children hours of entertainment… and doesn’t have to go to the bathroom – what more can you ask for?

If you are looking for a toy that will thrill your children the entire year long, consider purchasing this dinosaur. His intriguing face and adorable grin will have your kids thrilled for a long time. He is a pet, a stuffed animal, an adventure, and interactive toy all wrapped into one. This one’s a winner.

Child’s Play – The Magical Education in Make Believe

In order to learn, your child needs to play. It has been scientifically proven that advancements in academic skills is directly related to the amount of creative play a child is allowed to do. Your child’s memory, language skills, social skills, mechanical skills and problem solving skills are all dependent on how much time your child spends playing “pretend”.

The sad thing is that today’s parents put more focus on academic skills which has directly the opposite effect in creating intelligent children. By allowing your child to play make-believe, you are encouraging your child to develop the skills necessary to grow your child’s brain power. You may not think that having your little one create a superman costume from a towel for a cape and a superman t-shirt is a learning experience, but the thought process that happens as he plans his play is the same process he will later need to plan a school science project.

Giving your toddler a ride on toy can spark their imagination to include all different scenarios and situations as well as develop motor skills. She can now drive to work, go on vacations and explore the world all within her imagination. Do not underestimate the knowledge she is gaining through creative play.

When you add in a sibling or play partner, the knowledge increases. Playing “pretend” with more than one player helps your child learn effective communication skills. He will have to explain why this playhouse is now a fire station and the ride on toy is a fire engine and how they will work together to put out a fire; and then why the playhouse is now a school and he is the teacher and his friend and toys are the students.

Playing pretend helps your children become effective negotiators, communicators and creative thinkers. Their memory develops through all of the planning and sequencing they do in their minds that directly relate to how they plan their activities.

A playhouse and a box of “dress-up” clothes can be the best educational toy you can ever give your child. Forget the electronic gadgets and “genius” toys. If you want to invest in your child’s academic future, give them a playhouse and play kitchen. Your child will be head and shoulders ahead of the rest of the children who’s parents are focusing on creating a genius.

Sky King Pedal Plane

Sky King Pedal Plane Review

Feature

• Made of sturdy metal
• Rubber tires prevent skidding
• Assembles in 45 minutes
• Maximum capacity is 100 pounds
• Ages 3 – 6

Product Description

Our sturdy, all-metal Pedal Plane is a treasure ~ finished with gorgeous powder coat lead-free paint and beautifully detailed. Operate pedals to make propeller move; steering wheel controls tail wheel for easy turns. High traction rubber tires prevent skidding. Assembles in 45 minutes. Maximum capacity 110 lbs. Seat to pedal 14″. Size 45″l x 35″w x 26″h, Weight 33 lbs. (Age 3-6) Ships from manufacturer

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Big Bobby Shoe Cover 18-22

Big Bobby Shoe Cover 18-22 Review

Product Description

Big Bobby Shoe Covers are made to protect your childs shoes from ware and tare and also provide better grip. This item ships promptly to the 48 contiguous United States. Sorry, no Alaska/Hawaii, overseas, APO/FPO, and express shipping.

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*** Product Information and Prices Stored: May 04, 2010 00:33:38

Mini Cooper 12 Volt Ride On – Blue

Mini Cooper 12 Volt Ride On – Blue Review

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*** Product Information and Prices Stored: May 02, 2010 03:35:40